Happy Valentine's Day, Dear Friend!
During a voice lesson at Northwestern University, my teacher once asked me a question that shook me to the core.
“Do you love your voice?” she asked.
I devoted my life to music, made enormous personal sacrifices for my craft, and took out more than one hundred thousand dollars in student loan debt for a vocal performance degree. Of course, I loved to sing!
But that wasn't her question. The question was, "Do you love your voice?"
She was specifically referring to the way that it sounded.
My initial instinct was to blurt out "no!" But, before I could speak, a giant lump welled up in my throat.
Thankfully, my kind teacher immediately affirmed both me and my voice, thus preventing a puddle of tears and a rabbit hole of shame.
Her question made me realize, however, that, in all those years of training and trying to sing better, I had never taken a moment to consider whether or not I liked my voice - let alone loved it.
I used to think that loving your own voice was an indication of ego. As the insult goes, an overly talkative and opinionated person "loves the sound of their own voice."
But maybe loving your own voice doesn’t have to equate with arrogance. Maybe loving your voice is one component of wholly loving, accepting and respecting yourself.
In that pivotal lesson moment, I decided that I either needed to shift my mindset or stop aspiring to be a professional singer.
The choice was simple because I desperately wanted to be a singer. If I one-day wanted people to pay big bucks to hear me sing, then how could I offer a product that I didn't believe in?
After all, if you don't love your voice, then how can you expect others to listen to what you have to say?
The only solution was to change my inner monologue.
As a professional singer, loving my voice is an ongoing, lifelong process. There are days when I feel like the greatest star and days when I want to push the mute button on myself.
Regardless, my teacher’s question has stayed with me every since, and now I know that love truly is the only answer.
And so I ask you: “Do you love your voice?”
If you ever have any moments of doubt, here are some action steps that might help :
Care for Your Voice - Just like a mother/child relationship, your voice initially grows inside of you and you must make choices and sacrifices that are in its best interest. This may mean choosing a quiet night at home over a loud outing with friends, finding a way to warm-up when there's no convenient space available, or choosing nutritious foods and hot tea when you'd rather have a milkshake and fries.
Trust Your Voice - With the knowledge that you've developed your voice as best you can, have confidence in your technique, let go and trust your voice to make its own way into the world. It can be terrifying to sing or speak out, but trusting that your voice knows what to do is the only way to use your voice to its fullest potential.
Practice Gratitude - We all know Julie Andrews' surgical horror story, and yet it's still so easy for us to take our voices for granted. Just like our ability to walk, to see, and to hear, our voices are a gift that can be taken away at any moment. When we remember just how unique and special our voices truly are, then it becomes less important whether or not we crack on a high note. Keep a list of compliments you’ve received so that you can read over it when you need some encouragement.
Accept Your Voice - It's easy to wish that our body was different, to be self-critical and to compare ourselves with others. The quest for improvement never ends, but perfection is only found in imperfection. We can accept where we are and celebrate our accomplishments while still working toward the next goal ahead. Write down things you love about your voice or vocal accomplishments you’re proud of so that the good stays front of mind.
Train Your Voice - Whether you are a hobby singer, a professional or simply an every day voice user, you can learn how to use your voice more efficiently and confidently with a few simple exercises that work on alignment, breathing and resonance. Reach out to me or another voice specialist for assistance.
Invest in Your Voice - When you spend time, money and energy on something, it shows that you value it. This could mean continued voice lessons and coachings, time spent practicing, or mustering the courage to speak up when you’d typically stay silent.
Explore Your Voice - Sing out in the shower or the car. Sing along to a different styles of music. Make animal noises with a young child. Speak in a different tone than your daily demeanor. Tap into new forms of vocal expression to discover fresh possibilities for communicating and using your voice.
Believe in Your Voice's Potential - Sure, you have the potential to master that challenging song or phrase, but, more importantly, you have the potential to change lives with your voice. The song you sing. The speech you give. The words of encouragement you speak. Your voice is powerful, and that power has more to do with your passionate commitment and expression than it does with whether or not you nail the high note.
Listen to Your Voice - We often cringe when we hear the sound of our own voice on a recording, but that's only because we're not used to it. The more you listen to yourself sing and speak, the more you will get used to how your voice truly sounds. This also goes for your inner voice - your intuition. The more you listen, the louder it speaks.
Share Your Voice - Our voices are designed, not for ourselves, but to communicate with others. A large part of loving your voice is sharing your voice when you have something valuable to say. Sharing your voice is one of the most vulnerable things that you can do as a person, and it is an act of generosity toward your fellow humans.
Ready to share your voice? If so, I’m teaching a free online workshop at the end of the month on self-producing as an act of self-care and service. Stay tuned for sign-up details!
In the interim, take a moment today and love on your voice. Nobody will ever sound exactly like you.
Today's the day to spread all the love, and that includes loving on your voice. How do you practice loving your voice? Spread the love in the comments below:
